Suprise! I like being a mom

I don't think anyone gets pregnant on purpose and thinks that they're going to hate their life once the kid comes. I also don't think that anyone really knows what they are getting into. Now that the dust has settled a bit, and I have an almost one year old, I think that I sort of like it.

We all know about the sleep deprivation, random bouts of crying (from both the children and adults), change in friendships, and general lifestyle overhaul. Even with hearing about this from hundreds of people, it doesn't actually prepare you for what it's like to become a parent.

I expected some huge feeling of change. I was a mom, I was supposed to feel like a mom. The truth is, I still feel like me. A very tired, fuzzy brained me, but still me.

Sure, I struggle with finding balance, just like most parents do. Of course I have bad days where I wish I could have my old life back. Overall though, it's pretty ok.

I never actually planned on being a mom. I was never against it, but I wasn't one of those girls planning out her wedding and choosing baby names from a young age. Even when we decided that getting pregnant would be ok, we weren't actively trying to get pregnant, we just weren't trying not to anymore.

Now that she's here and she is more than just the tiny blob of human that they are for the first four months, she's pretty cool to be around. The way she stares at each new object, trying to unlock its secrets, is fascinating. How her babbling changes from day to day, incorporating new sounds and volumes, is amazing to listen to. When her face lights up as I enter the room melts my heart. If she doesn't want to sleep and I am forced to snuggle up with her in my bed until we both fall asleep is heavenly.

We also have a very easy going little girl. She isn't afraid of strangers, she will entertain herself for long periods of time, and only cries when she really needs something. Would it be different for me if she was really colicky? If she wasn't such a good sleeper? Maybe. And maybe I was given exactly what I can handle.

I do want to state that this is not an attempt to convince other people to have a baby. If you're on the fence, however, and willing to let nature take it's course, you might like the outcome. I certainly do.

Why isn't being a mom enough?

This should go without saying, but just in case....

I love my daughter. In ways I never knew I could love someone. She makes me laugh every day and when I look at those sweet cheeks and big blue eyes, my heart melts.

I work part time from my house grooming dogs. I try and groom while Grace is napping so that I can spend time with her and get my job done. It's exhausting, but I keep pretty busy this way.

I volunteer a lot. I work with Irish Fest Milwaukee, Pets Helping People and the Brew City Bully Club. I walk in parades, attend meetings, go to events.

I have a decently active social life. I have wonderful friends and a great family that I enjoy spending time with.

So, with all of these things, why don't I feel fulfilled?

Why do I feel lonely and bored?

Why do I feel like I am "just a mom"?

I know a lot of it boils down to money. Every time my husband and I have to talk about finances, my heart drops. We live well, but we have had to make a lot of cuts since we had Grace. So, anytime a discussion comes up about saving money, I feel like I'm useless. If I were able to work, maybe we wouldn't have this problem. If I could find a place to run my grooming shop, I could really make some money and we wouldn't have to be so concerned about saving those extra pennies. There's something about not being able to really provide to the household income that makes you feel less as a member of said home.

Some of my issues stem from boredom.

Do you know how many things you can do with a nine month old?

Do you know how many of those things require walking and are much more difficult after a foot surgery?

We move from playing in the living room to playing in her bedroom. If it's nice out, we play outside.

We play with the same 10 toys every time. I try and make it fun and interactive, but she has the attention span of a hummingbird on crack.

So, how do I remedy my situation? How do I feel like I am living a full life?

I know it should be as simple as looking at my wonderful daughter and seeing that she's happy, fed and loved. Is that really enough though?

Would I feel better if I had a 9-5 where I was contributing more to the household? Probably not. Most of my money would just go to childcare and I would miss our time together.

Being a mom was never my purpose in life. I love being Grace's mom, but I need to be more than that.

Unfortunately, I have yet to find the answer.

Maybe there isn't one.

Maybe I'm not alone feeling like this and we're all struggling to feel fulfilled.

And maybe that's enough to just make me feel a little better.

Being a mom and a groomer

After Grace came, my husband and I weren't sure what we would do about my job. I was only working part time and not making much money, just enough to get by. There was no way that we could afford daycare, so what were we to do?

Luckily for me, my amazing boss told me I could bring Grace to work with me.

I rearranged my schedule so that I would have built in breaks to feed and change her, and we gave it a shot.

It's been six months and we're still going strong limping through.

I commented to my husband after a few weeks of being a full time mom and part time groomer that I was exhausted at the end of the day because I was basically working two jobs at once.
"Oh, because you work and then come home and take care of Grace?"

No, because I work and take care of Grace.

She has yet to master needing a diaper change on schedule, and gets really cranky when I don't feed her when she wants food. And she rarely wants food at that exact moment I am going to have free. Normally, she needs me about ten minutes before I'm actually done. It's just enough time to completely stress me out as I attempt to finish a haircut while my daughter screams at me.

As other moms will attest, there is nothing worse than your child screaming and knowing that you cannot do anything about it. In my case, I could drop everything I'm doing and help her with whatever she needs, but if I want to get our day done and get home, the best option is to finish what I'm doing and then attend to her needs. If only I could make her see that...

There's something you should know about me as a groomer, I rarely take breaks. I schedule my day so that I can get dogs in and out quickly and I worry about myself later. I know this isn't a great way to take care of myself, but lunch breaks just don't happen for me. I might shove a granola bar in my face around 2pm and call it lunch, but I'm normally almost wetting my pants before I take an actual break to do something simple like go to the bathroom. This has a lot to do with money, unfortunately. I work on commission, so the more dogs I can get done, the more money I make. The faster I get done, the faster I get home. And after lifting hundreds of pounds of dogs during the day, I just want to go home.

So, adding a baby into the mix has made my whole situation... interesting.

I have to take breaks. Not for me, but for her. Sometimes to feed or change her, sometimes to entertain her for a little bit. I am lucky that I have an easy going baby that will entertain herself while I work, but that's not always the case. (Thank you teething!)

So, for now, we carry on. My stress level is high and my back is killing me, but I'm spending every day with my daughter.

A daughter who now sleeps through barking dogs and blow dryers. Who isn't afraid to have a Pitbull or a Chihuahua come up and kiss her face.

And, hopefully, a daughter who grows up to know that her mom did everything she could for her, even lose her mind trying to make it all work.

I didn't like being a mom today

Well, it wasn't today, it was two days ago.

Two days ago, I didn't like being a mom.

My baby is teething and I was getting over a stomach bug. It wasn't the feeling off or even her being a little extra whiny that made me not like being a mom, it was the boredom.

Do you know how many things you can do with an eight month old when it's rainy and crummy out? About five things. I was so sick of playing in the living room, then playing in her bedroom, then playing in the living room again. I even put her into her carrier and strapped her to my back to walk around the house a little.

And then she got bored.

And I got bored.

And hanging out with an eight month old no longer sounded appealing.

Then she needed to nap.

I knew she needed to nap. She was clearly tired. None the less, napping was not going to happen.

She fussed and cried and took her socks off and played with her toys.

Finally, when I had about reached my breaking point, I picked her up and brought her into my bed and snuggled up next to her. And we both napped.

The next day was the exact opposite. It was perfect. She played, she napped, she was so much fun to be with all day. I loved every minute.

It's ok to not always love being a mom. Some days, I just want to be Erin. Some days I don't want the added responsibility of having a daughter.

And some days, being a mom is freaking awesome.

I didn't go to the gym today

I wanted to go to the gym today. I even set an alarm to get up before my daughter so that I could pump, go for a swim and get home in time to take over baby duty before my husband left for work. I am not a morning person, but I really wanted to get this swim in, so I was ready to do it.

At 5am, my daughter woke up. Two hours before she normally does.

I got up, fed her, and watched her eyes get heavy again.

Yes! She will eat and go right back to sleep and I can sneak out and go to the gym!

The second her head hit the mattress, those beautiful blue eyes popped wide open. 

Ok, I'll stay up with her for an hour or so, and when my husband wakes up, he can take over and I can still make it to the gym.

I woke up at 7:30, in the recliner, with a baby on my chest.

Things don't always go as planned. Actually, they rarely do in this house. 

Most people are probably wondering why this is a big deal. So, you missed a workout, who cares? Well, it's not just today, it was yesterday as well. And the day before. The day before that I made it though! And the big deal, is that next week I have a 5k. The first race since I had a baby. And two weeks from now, I have a sprint triathlon. 

So, while I fretted and freaked out that I have not been as diligent as I need to be about getting workouts in, my little girl slept peacefully on my chest. So, I stayed there until she woke up, and instead of worrying, I tried to be grateful that I get these moments with her which will not last forever. 

I may not be very fast next week at my race, but, Grace will be there with me, reminding me that she is the reason I try to stay healthy in the first place. And healthy does not mean simply getting up and exercising. It also means sitting and snuggling when you need to. Or crawling around on the floor making your daughter laugh when those teeth are really starting to bother her. 

I'll get to the gym one of these days. Maybe even tomorrow.

10 things to never say to a groomer

I am going to preface this post by saying that this is really particular to me as a groomer. I'm sure that there are some groomers out there that don't mind hearing these things, but these really grate on me. Some of the time, I am sure these are being said out of the feeling that you need to make conversation with me as you are leaving your dog in my care. I get that, but let's talk about the weather instead, ok?

 1. Be nice to him
I understand why you are saying this. Your dog is your baby, your life and you want him to be spoiled rotten while in the care of another person. Here's what I hear "My dog is a spoiled brat that has never heard the word no so don't make him do anything he doesn't want to do."
I became a groomer because I love dogs. I am nice to every single dog that walks in my door. Do I raise my voice sometimes at dogs? Yes. I do it for their safety. If a dog is consistently barking in their crate I will tell them to stop as it can stress out the other dogs. If your dog is being sassy on the table, I will tell them no because I am working with sharp objects and I don't want them to get hurt. Everything I do is in the best interest of your dog.

 2. Don't forget to _____.
Yes, I know, that once, I forgot to clean his ears. Really, you don't have to remind me every single time for the rest of your grooming experience. I know I forgot, I had a rough day. We all have those.
I do the best I can on every dog, every time.
Have you ever had that morning when your alarm didn't go off and you ran late? How about the morning that you forgot you were out of coffee? Is your kid sick? I have those nights and days too, so sometimes I get forgetful.
My other favorite is "Make sure you get his nails as short as possible." Oh good, thank you for saying that. I was going to half ass them. Every time I hear these things, I think of the movie Office Space and the damn cover sheet for the TPF report.

 3. Oh, I wish I had your job, you get to play with puppies all day!
Every once in a blue moon, that is true, I do get to play with puppies. And let me tell you, it is glorious. The puppy breath, the adorable everything about them, the silliness... it melts my heart. Do you know what happens after I get to play with your sweet puppy? I have to do the one thing they hate almost as much as going to the vet, I have to give them a bath. And then your sweet, fluffy puppy might turn into Cujo. At best, I have to wrestle with what is basically a greased pig to safely get through the grooming. All the while, the actually Cujo is drying in a crate and I have to once again wonder if today's the day that my reflexes aren't fast enough and I'm going to get nailed.

4. He can be a little nippy.
Can we stop calling it anything other than it is? Your dog might try to bite me. Calling it nipping or mouthing or "being playful" may be a sweet way for you to downplay it, but I have to be on point all the time worrying about being bit. One bad bite and I'm out of work for a few weeks. That's the best case scenario. The worst is that I can never groom again. So, no, it's not cute that Fluffy is nippy, it scares the hell out of me.

5.Why is it so expensive? Your just shaving him down.
There are a number of reasons why it is more expensive, but it's usually because if I am shaving your dog down, it was probably a hot mess. Which means that now I am working on a moving target with sharp objects while the hair is pelted to the body. This means that I am WAY more likely to cut your dog. Shaving down a matted dog takes twice as long as giving them a nice fluffy haircut. And even if your dog is in pristine condition, it is still harder to scissor and blend a short hair cut. Because if you go too short or miss a spot, there is nothing to hid or blend into.
Another one in this category is "It's just like shearing a sheep". You get the the sheep normally looks like shit and is bleeding at the end, right?

 6. He hated the last groomer, he shook the whole time we stood there.
First, I will not bad mouth another groomer. We are all doing the best we can. I try very hard to get to know other groomers in my area and work together to make the dogs in our community better.
Second, why was he really shaking? Maybe the shop smelled strange that day. Maybe another dog was there and stressed out and he fed off of that. Maybe there was a car alarm going off two miles away from your house last night and he didn't sleep well. These are all factors that can play into a dog having a rough day. If you didn't like something about your last groom, talk to me about the technical issues and we can work through that together to make this groom the best one it can be.

 7. Just give him a puppy cut.
I cannot say this enough, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PUPPY CUT.
Well, that's not 100% true. Poodles have a show cut that is called a puppy cut, but I am absolutely certain that's not what you want. When I hear someone say this, I want to grab you and tell you to use your words. (This also applies to people saying "Just take a little off" or "I like his ears") How much do you want taken off your dog? An inch? More? Less? Do you like the head longer? Rounded? Ears and tail - long or short? I have heard some people tell me that a puppy cut is a short, even all over hair cut. Fine, but what does short mean to you? Your dog is an individual, let's treat him as such.

8. Just give him the haircut you like.
Listen, I own a Pitbull mix, a smooth coated something mix and my Pomeranian mix gets shaved down year round with a multi colored mohawk. I'm pretty sure that what you like and what I like are very different. Have some idea of what you like when you walk into the shop and we can go from there.

 9. I spent $10,000 on him.
The truth is, I don't care. If you spent a lot of money on your dog, it means one of two things: You bought a really well bred dog or you got ripped off. Either way, the money you spent will not completely define your dogs temperament and personality. I know rescue dogs that are amazing and pure bred dogs that are assholes. There's a lot more to a dog than where they came from.

10. Don't make my dog look like a poodle.
I see red when I hear this. I actually have to calm myself down to type this out, that's how angry I get. Here are the list of reasons why this is the worst thing you can say to me.
 - You are implying that there is something wrong with how poodles look. I adore poodles. I think they are the best dogs to groom as their coat is the most versatile coat out there to work on. I can make a poodle look like anything I want.
 - You have an idea in your head of what a poodle looks like and that is probably nothing like what I think of when I think of a poodle. The main poodle I groom has a mohawk. Is that what you don't want? I can make a poodle look like anything and, chances are, I cannot make your dog look like a poodle if I wanted to. Tell me what you do want your dog to look like instead. Or tell me that you think if his head is too big she looks like a poodle and you don't like that. Use your words.
 - You are assuming that I am going to give your dog a haircut that you don't want. That you are going to tell me that you like a certain haircut and I am going to completely disregard what you say and give them the haircut I prefer.
I have heard this from every type of dog and mix breed out there. "Don't make my schnauzer look like a poodle." I have no idea how this is even possible. How any dog that is not a poodle can look like a poodle is beyond me. Some people think that a shaved dog looks like a poodle, some people think a big head looks like a poodle. Those are all just components of a hair cut. Those things to not make a poodle.
Or my all time favorite thing to make me crazier than I have ever been before: "Don't poodle my doodle." Listen, your dog is half poodle, that's what makes up the mix. I can no more make them not look like a poodle than I can change their genetic structure. If you didn't want a poodle-looking dog, don't get a poodle mix. If there is something specific that you don't like your dog to have, like a shaved face, then just tell me that.

My dogs didn't immediately love my baby

Do you know all of those adorable photos of dogs and their babies? The ones where the puppy crawls into the bouncy chair with the newborn? Or the one with the baby napping with their dog curled up right next to them? That is exactly what I expected to see when I had Grace. And that is exactly what did not happen.

I have been working with dogs for more than 10 years. I know the drill when a pet parent has a baby. I have told hundreds of people how to handle this exact situation. Take home a blanket with the babies smell on it so your dogs can smell it. Introduce the baby slowly in a controlled environment. Praise your pet for any positive interactions they have no matter how small. I was ready for this moment.

My sister picked my dogs up from the sitter to bring them home about 2 hours before we would arrive. She put a blanket from Grace into their crate and then spent some time with just them before we got home.

When we got home, we let each dog come up and sniff the car seat. We each spent some time saying hello to the dogs, then I sat down in Grace's room to let each one come up to her. They all behaved perfectly and sniffed her, but they were all more excited that we were home.

Over the next few weeks I waited to see them fall in love with their new sister. I kept my phone on camera mode waiting for that perfect picture. There was going to be that moment where one of them curled up next to her protectively, or rested their head on her feet, I just knew it.

That moment never happened. I have one picture of Grace laying against Washburne's side. It's posed and if you look closely, you can see that he isn't quite sure of the situation. He's behaving well, but he's looking to me for confirmation of his behavior.

I realized that those pictures you see on facebook are not the norm and that's ok. I have good dogs. No, I have great dogs. I have dogs that are really well behaved and will do anything to please their parents. Every day they get a little more comfortable with having a little sister, but given the choice, they would rather snuggle up with John or I than curl up next to the baby.

I am sure that as Grace grows, my dogs will grow to love her. I'm guessing it will start right around the time that they realize that she is able to drop food from her high chair.