I love being the center of attention (shocking to those that know me, I know!), but I hate being complimented. A compliment typically points out something physical, and when your self-esteem is low, you don't want anything physical pointed out. Every compliment draws attention to a spot I don't want attention drawn to.
"Wow Erin, you look great! Swimming is really paying off!"
*internal voice* "Seriously?!?! I'm bloated and fat and my arms are still huge and I haven't lost a single pound"
The problem is, I look in the mirror every day, multiple times a day. I rarely see a change in my physical appearance. I spend my days beating myself up for not miraculously dropping 100lbs overnight.
I don't see what you see.
"Woo Hoo! You finished a 5k! That's awesome!"
*internal voice* "Big whoop. I walked half of it. People that walked the entire race finished before me."
It's not that I don't believe you, but it's hard for me to believe that you and I can both look at the same thing and see such different images. Even the compliments from my husband don't feel real. I keep thinking that he has to be nice to me, he's married to me.
So, how do I fix this? This is something that I have struggled with my whole life. How, at 32, do I change?
I start by being more positive.
"Wow Erin, you look great! Swimming is really paying off!"
*internal voice* "Swimming is paying off. I feel better than I have in a long time. Who cares if the scale isn't a perfect reflection of how I feel?!?!"
"Woo Hoo! You finished a 5k! That's awesome!"
*internal voice* "Hell yeah I finished that 5k. And it sucked. Who cares that I finished near the end? I'm still way ahead of all those people who never started."
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