Hitting Rock Bottom

It happened. I hit rock bottom. It's ok though, because I have no where to go but up.

To back things up, let's start with who I am. My name is Erin and I am 31. Just 5 months ago I had an amazing wedding and am loving spending my life with a rockstar of a husband along with four dogs and two cats. In the five years that John and I have been together, my life has changed a lot. The best and worst of which have been becoming a runner and then having to stop running due to a Morton's Neuroma. Surgery to remove that was last May after all other treatment options failed. The healing process was slow and painful, which I thought was due to the fact that it was foot surgery and it is hard to give your foot time to heal. I was wrong. It was mainly due to a Stump Neuroma that developed on what remained of my nerve. That was removed via surgery on April 11th of this year. While I am feeling a million times better, I am still healing and my foot likes to swell up to football sized proportions when over used. Since finding the Stump Neuroma, I have signed up with a personal trainer to get in the pool and try exercises that do not put a ton of pressure on my foot. 

Now, my story of hitting the bottom. I have always been a big girl, but I rocked it. I am confident and I know that I am beautiful. I would look in the mirror and know that dropping a few pounds would be good for me, but I thought, as long as I exercise and eat relatively well, I am ok with who I am. 

The first surgery added 30 pounds. I was off of my foot almost entirely for an entire summer and since then, anything over 20 minutes of walking had me limping. I made excuses. "Well, I really can't afford to see the personal trainer more than once a week." "It's fine to have a burger and fries today, I'll have a salad tomorrow." The excuses piled on, and so did the weight. When it came time for my December wedding, I was the heaviest I have ever been. But even that wasn't rock bottom. 

Last weekend, my sister and I went to Fort Lauderdale to celebrate her turning 30 with a very close friend. The night before her birthday, we went out for drinks at an awesome Polynesian bar with great rum drinks. While wandering through their gardens, we asked a waiter to take a picture of the three of us together.  I was wearing a maxi dress that I lived in last summer. But the girl in the picture couldn't be me. Her arms were huge and nothing could hide the belly. I blew it off as a bad picture and went on with my vacation. The next day, the three of us were shopping and as I wandered by a mirror, there was girl who looked just like me wearing the same shorts and tank top I had on. But her legs were much heavier than mine could be. Must be a weird mirror. That night, we got ready to celebrate and started getting all dolled up. I had a new dress that I really liked and was really excited. I got ready and looked in the mirror. All of the excuses faded away, all of the attempt to dismiss the image were gone. I was no longer the person that I thought I was. 

Luckily for me, I didn't have time to get down on myself. The weekend was about my sister, not me. I went through the rest of the weekend celebrating and having a great time, knowing that the second I got home, things were changing. 

So, today marks Day 1 of the Advocare 24 day challenge. I have done this challenge once before with good results and I am ready to kill it this time. I am done being overweight. I am ready to find me again.