Memorial Day Weekend

Whew, the past weekend was a test of will power! Luckily I made it through.

The movie Friday night was tough, but we brought almonds with us for something crunchy, and I bought a giant bottle of water to keep me going through the film. It worked! (maybe a little too well though, as I had to book it to the bathroom after the movie ended!)

Saturday morning it was off to the grooming shop. It was so lovely to go to work on a Saturday not hungover! I was really busy Saturday which was nice, but unfortunately, when I am busy I forget to do everything else, like eat my snack, or drink water. So, apart from not drinking nearly enough water, I still managed to eat well.

Sunday, we deep cleaned the house. This was WAY overdue. I also finally mowed the lawn. I haven't been able to do this in more than a year as my foot surgery really prohibited me from spending the 90 minutes it takes to finish the job. When I was done, all I wanted was a Summer Shandy. It was hot out, I was sweaty and dirty and a cold beer sounded amazing. I settled for more water. Oh joy.

Lunch was awesome as John ran to Chipotle. I had a naked burrito with brown rice, sofritas, pinto beans, two types of salsa and guacamole. It was delicious! And I could barely finish half before I was stuffed!

After lunch, my sister and I went out to my Dad and Grandpa's house where we sat down with a friend who had done the Boyle genealogy. I have always known that I am full Irish on my mom's side and my dad is exactly a quarter of the following: Irish, Norwegian, Polish and Bohemian. We learned SO much more! First of all, I am most likely not Norwegian, but Finnish and am only the 4th generation Bohemian in America! She also found relatives that fought in WWI as well as the Civil War and we learned that our Irish ancestors came over before the Great Hunger. (I am really excited to learn more about Bohemia!) My favorite, was a crazy relative who lived in Stevens Point who referred to himself as "Buffalo Bill". There were tons of newspaper articles about how "Buffalo Bills gets arrested again!" and "Buffalo Bill back in court". This would be sort of clever if his name was bill, but no. His name was Alex. :)

Monday morning, back to the grooming shop! I had two standard poodles to groom, as well as my dog Gus, who desperately needed a bath. Being at the shop kept me super focused, but once again, I did not drink enough water or remember to eat my lunch :(  We went over to hang out with friends for dinner and I prepared and brought our whole meal so to not be tempted by whatever they had. They were drinking, and even though a vodka/lemonade sounded delicious, I settled for a Lemon LaCroix on ice. It made my brain think I was holding a drink without compromising the cleanse! We talked a lot about our upcoming trip to Puerto Rico. That alone keeps me motivated!

Back up this morning for day 7 of the cleanse. The good news is I am finally done with the giant herbal pills that I had to gag down at night, but unfortunately, it means that I am back on the fiber drink. Yuck! Mixing it with my Spark helps, but the consistency is still just off! Then it was off to my swim lesson. I don't think I have ever been to motivated to kick ass. I am consistently pushing myself as far as I can. I have realized how silly it is to half-ass a workout, so as long as my foot holds up, I am all in.  

My Standard Poodles from Monday. Cabot and Sebastian.

Advocare Day 4

Yeah, I skipped a day, but I don't think you want a play by play of every minute of my life. I swear I am not that exciting :)

Yesterday was a pretty normal day. I had my delicious meal replacement shake and a spark mixed with fiber drink (to get rid of the awful taste/texture issue) and I was off to work. Snacks yesterday were bananas and a nut mix, but the tough part was lunch. I had a lunch date with a coworker. This was the first time on the cleanse that I was going to be tested by food. I sadly had to tell my coworker that we could not get Thai food (my favorite!) and we settled on Ruby Tuesdays for their soup and salad bar. I walked through the salad forcing myself to skip all the cheese and yummy pasta salads. I threw one crouton on my plate to satisfy my craving for bread and almost cried when the waiter placed three cheesy biscuits down next to me. They smelled amazing! But I pushed them away and dug into my salad. Within a few moments, my soup arrived, Chicken Tortilla. The bowl was SURROUNDED by tortilla chips. I quickly grabbed them and put them on a spare plate. I needed all temptations to be as far away from me as possible! At the end, I was happy that I made it through.

Back at work, I had a personal trainer session scheduled with my friend at the gym we have on site. This was my first training session on dry land since I had my foot surgery. I was worried about how badly my foot would swell up with all of the moving I was going to do, but I was ready to get my butt kicked. I love these workout sessions because I do them with one of my favorite people and our trainer is great. We spend the entire time gossiping with each other while dripping with sweat.

While my lunch and workout was great, in general, my workday was anything but. I had some huge escalation issues at work. People were just off their game and it left me tired and cranky. I got home and just wanted to curl up in my hammock and nap drink a bottle of wine. In lieu of that, I just stayed cranky. I felt awful, because my poor husband has to take the brunt of my emotions which are typically all over the place. So, in addition to being, tired and stressed, I felt guilty that I couldn't communicate to John why I felt this way and he had to deal with me. I went to bed early hoping that a good nights sleep would make me feel better.

The sleep helped a little, but what helped more was getting on the scale and seeing that I was down 10lbs. While that is a lot of weight, I remind myself that losing 10lbs when you are attempting to lose 100lbs total is much easier than losing 10lbs when your goal is only to lose 15. When you are really heavy, the first pounds seem to melt away with relative ease. While I know this, I still refuse to dismiss the fact that I lost 10lbs.  It's still a huge accomplishment.

Today is Friday and while the day itself is going better, I am really worried about tonight. John and I are going to see the new X-Men movie with some of our friends and I LOVE movie theatre popcorn. I can live without the soda or candy, but I will go to a movie just to get popcorn. I will be bringing some almonds and water with me to help quell my cravings.

Even worse is that this weekend is Memorial Day weekend. There will be a ton of opportunities to eat great barbecue and drink delicious, cold, refreshing beers. To help, I have signed up to work my second job, a lot. Working all day Saturday and Monday should help keep temptation away. Also, I ordered a new swimsuit for my upcoming vacation to Puerto Rico. The thought of being possibly 20lbs lighter by then and rocking that new suit should make it easier to grab a bottle of water instead of a bottle of beer.

Advocare Day 2

Having done this cleanse once before, the first two days have gone by with relative ease. Last night was a little hectic as I had therapy dog training class, but lucky for me, John was willing to make dinner.

I went to bed exhausted after getting very little sleep the night before, and woke up bright and early to hit the pool. I was psyched to see that I was down 4.4lbs from yesterday. I know that it is COMPLETELY water weight, but it is still nice to step on the scale and see a number lower than the day before. So, I grabbed my gym bad and heading to my workout.

I have an AMAZING trainer at the WAC in Menomonee Falls. A lot of people are confused why I have a trainer to swim. And yes, I do know how to swim, but when you are as out of shape as I am, you can't just jump in a pool and swim laps. I needed to do the same thing that people do with weights and machines, but as low impact in the pool. So, I get a combination of swimming a few laps and working on my breathing along with jogging and bunny hopping the length of the pool (Holy Calf Workout Batman!), all sorts of jumping as well as running up the down the stairs and squats and crunches in the water and planks and water weights and... well, we do a lot. I love the way I feel when I am done with my work outs!

I slammed a meal replacement shake and had a banana and I hit the ground running at work. Snacks at work so far have been half an avocado and a piece of fruit. Since I'm pretty sure I could live off of avocados, you will hear no complaints from me :) Lunch both yesterday and today was sliced turkey with tomatoes, cucumbers and mustard on a tortilla. Nothing terrible, but it gets me through the day. I am also spending a lot of time on Pinterest looking up new meals. We spent the first cleanse sticking to the recipes that come with your start-up kit and although some were delicious, I wanted a change. Tonight on the menu is Seared Scallops with Sweet Potato Cauliflower Puree. If this turns out half as delicious as it sounds, I am in for a great dinner!

Today's only downside was that the swelling in my foot was pretty bad. I had to do a few laps of campus and by the time I made it back to my desk at 2, my foot was almost double in size and the incision was pretty red. My biggest struggle right now is that there are no shoes that do not rub on the top of my foot where it is healing. Flip flops are the best I can do, but even those can irritate it after a while. I have tried wearing running shoes, but usually the swelling makes it so I can't lace them up at all. I am healing much better than I did last time, but it's still rough going. I really want to dive back in to life. Patience is not one of my virtues.

*Update* Dinner was freaking amazing.

Hitting Rock Bottom

It happened. I hit rock bottom. It's ok though, because I have no where to go but up.

To back things up, let's start with who I am. My name is Erin and I am 31. Just 5 months ago I had an amazing wedding and am loving spending my life with a rockstar of a husband along with four dogs and two cats. In the five years that John and I have been together, my life has changed a lot. The best and worst of which have been becoming a runner and then having to stop running due to a Morton's Neuroma. Surgery to remove that was last May after all other treatment options failed. The healing process was slow and painful, which I thought was due to the fact that it was foot surgery and it is hard to give your foot time to heal. I was wrong. It was mainly due to a Stump Neuroma that developed on what remained of my nerve. That was removed via surgery on April 11th of this year. While I am feeling a million times better, I am still healing and my foot likes to swell up to football sized proportions when over used. Since finding the Stump Neuroma, I have signed up with a personal trainer to get in the pool and try exercises that do not put a ton of pressure on my foot. 

Now, my story of hitting the bottom. I have always been a big girl, but I rocked it. I am confident and I know that I am beautiful. I would look in the mirror and know that dropping a few pounds would be good for me, but I thought, as long as I exercise and eat relatively well, I am ok with who I am. 

The first surgery added 30 pounds. I was off of my foot almost entirely for an entire summer and since then, anything over 20 minutes of walking had me limping. I made excuses. "Well, I really can't afford to see the personal trainer more than once a week." "It's fine to have a burger and fries today, I'll have a salad tomorrow." The excuses piled on, and so did the weight. When it came time for my December wedding, I was the heaviest I have ever been. But even that wasn't rock bottom. 

Last weekend, my sister and I went to Fort Lauderdale to celebrate her turning 30 with a very close friend. The night before her birthday, we went out for drinks at an awesome Polynesian bar with great rum drinks. While wandering through their gardens, we asked a waiter to take a picture of the three of us together.  I was wearing a maxi dress that I lived in last summer. But the girl in the picture couldn't be me. Her arms were huge and nothing could hide the belly. I blew it off as a bad picture and went on with my vacation. The next day, the three of us were shopping and as I wandered by a mirror, there was girl who looked just like me wearing the same shorts and tank top I had on. But her legs were much heavier than mine could be. Must be a weird mirror. That night, we got ready to celebrate and started getting all dolled up. I had a new dress that I really liked and was really excited. I got ready and looked in the mirror. All of the excuses faded away, all of the attempt to dismiss the image were gone. I was no longer the person that I thought I was. 

Luckily for me, I didn't have time to get down on myself. The weekend was about my sister, not me. I went through the rest of the weekend celebrating and having a great time, knowing that the second I got home, things were changing. 

So, today marks Day 1 of the Advocare 24 day challenge. I have done this challenge once before with good results and I am ready to kill it this time. I am done being overweight. I am ready to find me again.