Puerto Rico and Getting Back on the Wagon

I just have to start by saying, if you haven't visited Puerto Rico, do it. Do it now. It was hands down the best vacation I have ever taken. I won't give you a minute by minute breakdown, but here's the overall vacation.

We landed in San Juan on Friday, June 13th. A quick cab to our hotel to meet our friends, a light dinner and we called it a fairly early night. Ok, there was some rum drinking involved, but not too much :)

Saturday we got into our rental car and headed to the west side of the island towards a little town called Lares. My friends family has their home their and we were planning on spending the next three nights with them. Here is the overview of Lares:
- House with a beautiful view of the mountains

- Puppies to hang out with
- Amazing food, including fresh orange juice (picked at the property) in the morning
- Ventana Caves

- Playa Succia and Crash Boat Beach

- Jeep ride into the mountains
- Amazing family to spend time with

From Lares we headed back to San Juan to our rental property. We had rented a house in Old San Juan; a beautiful 2 bedroom home within walking distance of all the things we wanted to see. Here is the overview of San Juan:
- Shopping

- Rum
- Bacardi Distillery Tour
- Kayaking in a Bio-luminescent Bay
- Really good food
- Tour of Castillo San Felipe del Morro, one of the original forts on the island
- More rum

The views were breathtaking and the experience was unbelievable. I LOVE plantains and Mofungo has become my favorite meal ever. I think the only reason why I didn't come home 20lbs heavier is because ALL we did was walk. And it was about 10,000 degrees outside with the humidity looming right around 300%. Seriously, I have never been so hot in my entire life. Which brings me to my next point...

Getting back on the wagon.
Vacation is amazing, but it was way too hot to do any exercise besides walking, so now that I am home and back to reality, it's time to get moving again. The Advocare challenge helped me to lose about 13lbs. I felt a lot better when it was done, but I am ready to start again! Well, not the challenge per say, but ready to get back to eating healthy and working out!

Graduating College

Last week was crazy. I finally graduated from college! Walking across that stage and getting my diploma was an amazing feeling. I love that my closest friends and family were there and I couldn't keep the huge grin from creeping across my face all night! And none of it would have happened without my sister. 

When I graduated from high school, I went right on to college. My parents moved me from Milwaukee to Minneapolis to go to school at the U of M-Twin Cities. I loved it up there. It was beautiful, I was making friends easily and I didn't hate my classes. And then, my life crumbled. My mom's best friend was hit and killed by a car while crossing the street in Milwaukee. This man had been a mentor to me. He was the first adult that recognized my sister and I as more than just "Brigid's daughters". We were individuals to him. I has asked him to be my confirmation sponsor when I was 16. My present from him was a day trip to Chicago to pick out a dress and lunch at the Walnut Room at Marshall Fields. I had never felt like such a grown up in my life. Losing him was like a punch in the gut. 

Going back to school after his funeral was a waste. I fell easily back into depression (something I have fought my whole life) and started having anxiety attacks in class. Finally, I just stopped going to school and moved home before the end of the semester.

My parents lived on the east side of Milwaukee, near the UW-Milwaukee campus, so I enrolled in classes there. My first semester back in Milwaukee wasn't bad. I had my friends and family close and felt like I could cope with the changes. I enrolled in some great acting classes and have VERY close friends to this day because of it. (Love you Aliza and Rob!) After living at home for the first semester, it was time to get an apartment. The problem was, I had a hard time balancing work, school and my social life. I moved back and forth from my parents house for the next few years. Sometimes attending class, sometimes calling it quits after just a few weeks. Finally, in 2003, I gave up. I just wasn't ready.

At the same time, my sister had left me for school in Stevens Point, WI. She made it through the first year, but also decided to come back home. She also enrolled locally to continue classes, but eventually decided that moving back to Stevens Point was the best way to finish her degree. So, she left everything in Milwaukee and moved back to Point. 

That was a very hard time for me. I loved living in the same city as my sister and having her 3 hours away was tough. I visited whenever I could which ended up being at least one weekend a month. Then it got harder. Meghan moved to London for 4 months. That was really tough. We spoke almost every day, and I even got the chance to visit her. I was amazed when I went to London. The Meghan I knew had been replaced with this confident, independent, skinny woman! (Not that she wasn't before, but living by yourself in a foreign country really can change you!) 

6 months later, I watched her walk the stage (sicker than a dog!) in Stevens Point. I realized that if she could do it so could I. That was in 2008, but the summer of 2010, I was enrolled in classes at Ottawa University. 4 long years later balancing 3 jobs and wedding planning and I made it. I officially have a BA in Communications with a minor in Marketing. And it's all because of my sister. 

Learning to love the gym...

Let's just put it out there. I hate the gym. I don't even like going to the gym at my office. I have always been a team sport girl. I got my exercise from playing soccer, volleyball, kickball or whatever other group event you asked me to join. I even started to enjoy running because I was outside and could rock out to my music. But I have always, always hated the gym. I have had more gym memberships over the years than I can count or remember and have spent thousands upon thousands of dollars on memberships that have gone wasted. I start out strong, but within a month or so, I stop going. I convince myself to keep the membership because spending that amount of money will motivate me to go back. It never does.

This post is not about how I adore the gym now, but more about how I am slowly starting to tolerate it...

Reasons I hate the gym:

1. Locker Rooms. I am pretty confident about my body. I know who I am and what I look like. I grew up dancing and playing soccer which forced me to change my clothes in the most public of places. But nothing, nothing will prepare you for the women's locker room. You are crammed into a tiny corner with 8 other women and 16 nipples staring at you. It's not that I think that they need to be more private or cover up, it's simply that sometimes, I would rather you turn your back to me when you put on your bra. My favorite so far was the woman who stood in the vanity area (you know, the horseshoe shaped area that has mirrors on EVERY wall to dry your hair and put on make-up) stark naked, and got ready. I can find ways to avert my eyes when you are at a locker near me, but when I am surrounded by mirrors, there is NO WHERE to look. Your naked body followed me every where I tried to turn.

Also, since I am a bigger girl, I can't use the towels they provide at the gym to cover up. Mainly because their towels only cover a thigh and a half on me. So, I trudge around in my giant grey beach towel feeling awkward.

2. I have no idea what I am doing. Really, I don't. I obviously know how to use the treadmill and the elliptical, as well as other similar machines, but with my bum foot, I can barely do those types of exercises. So, even after meeting with a few trainers and reviewing options, I leave confused. One trainer tells me that I should never use the machines, they won't give you the best workout. Another trainer only tells me to use the machines. Even if I used the machines, which ones do I use? On what days? What weights do I put them at? I know now to do reps of 12, (at least that is what one trainer told me) but am I doing them right?

3. Walking into a new class alone scares the crap out of me. I love taking classes. I have driven down to Racine (a 45 minute hike) with my sister to take a Zumba class on more than one occasion. But to just pick a class and drop in? Everyone else will know more than me! They will all stare and laugh at me as I struggle through the moves! Yes, I realize these ideas are all in my head, but it's hard to tell those voices to shut up.

4. I struggle to motivate myself to keep going. Getting there is half the battle, right? Not for me. If I feel like the treadmill is kicking my butt, I will usually stop instead of powering through. Some people will say that its ok, I am just listening to my body. Well, my body is a whiny little bitch. Sometimes, it just needs to get slapped and told to MTFU. I just find it hard to tell myself to do that some days. Now, put me in a room or a pool with a personal trainer and I will push myself as far as I can go. I am a people pleaser, so having a personal trainer works very well for me. The problem is, a gym membership for me is $65. Then 30 minutes with a personal trainer is another $30-$40. That adds up quickly.

5. I am an instant gratification type of girl. I know that there is no logic behind this, but I want to go to the gym on a Monday and wake up 2lbs lighter on a Tuesday. I know that's not how it works. But I will go to the gym for a full week and see no changes and get totally down on myself. Which in turn, makes me ot want to go back the next week.

I completely understand that these are all in my head. I know I should just keep it up, keep trying and keep asking for help, and I will get there. Right now, I am spending the extra money on seeing a personal trainer 2-3 times a week. It motivates me and helps me to learn what I should be doing while I am at the gym. But even those mornings, post swim, I feel awkward sitting in front of the mirrors, still red faced from the intense pool workout I just endured. Luckily, my foot is slowly getting better and soon I will be able to start biking and running to supplement my workouts and should be able to cut down my personal trainer visits. But until then, I may need to find a workout buddy.

So, who wants to go to the WAC with me?!?!?

Trudging Along

This whole blogging thing still feels a bit strange to me, as part of me feels that I should be posting every day, but the other part of me knows that I don't even find my life interesting enough to be memorialized daily, why would others? So, I will continue the pattern I have, it feels right for right now.

There are a lot of big things happening at Camp Hennen. Last Friday night I had my graduation rehearsal. I am finally getting my Bachelor's of Communication from Ottawa University this Friday night! After the rehearsal (which was a bit painful... we're such a small group that they don't line us up alphabetically! It hurts my OCD!) we went to a "reflection dinner" to look back at our time together. Since we are all adult students, this is a very different experience from what others have had. I had arranged with a friend to make sure she would be there and I wouldn't be alone the whole night, but I was amazed at how many other people I knew. Some of the people I hadn't seen since my first terms at Ottawa, but they not only remembered me, but asked me about my job or my family. I felt awful, because their faces were familiar, but that was it.  I was amazed that people remembered things about me from one 8-week course 3 years ago, but I didn't know their name without a name tag.

Saturday night we had dinner with an amazing group of friends that we try to get together with monthly. John and I had to make a decision about how we were going to handle events like this. Do we stick to our guns and only eat what we can and not drink? Or do we enjoy ourselves without going overboard? We have decided that even though the challenge tells us not to drink at all during this time and to stick to the food guidelines, that since we don't want to live our whole lives this way, we should have fun, but be smart. We each had wine and appetizers with the group, but I made sure to have a few seltzers in there as well. Yes, I had the kettle chips as an app, but I also ordered mahi mahi tacos for dinner. More than anything, this challenge is going to help me finally learn moderation!

Monday was the hardest day by far, however, as I learned that one of the dogs that I groom and take care of had to be put to sleep. I met this dog and her owner back in 2006 when I started working at the Central Bark in Wauwatosa. She was a little shepherd mix and had an infectious smile. She ended up transferring her dogs to the CB in Brookfield when I was the groomer there and we became close. She even followed me back down to my grooming shop clear across town when I left CB! She had a disorder that made it so the muscles in her throat didn't work correctly and she couldn't keep food down. She was losing weight quickly and her mom and dad made the tough decision. All I wanted to do was crawl into a bottle of whiskey and let the pain wash away. Alcohol is always my go to when I am sad. But I knew that it helped no one for me to get drunk and would waste everything I had worked so hard for. So, I settled and had one beer while I made dinner and simply called it an early night.

Dinner was delicious and I am finding so many amazing recipes that make the challenge much easier to get through. Last night was Jerk Chicken with Caribbean Quinoa  and a side of Brussels sprouts. Things are still the same day to day. Half and avocado and a piece of fruit for a snack. Meal replacement shake for breakfast... But I am down 13lbs and feeling great. I am getting into the habit of going to the gym every day and I know that is helping a lot. I still can't do a ton of cardio as my foot gets sore quickly, but every little bit helps, right?